Small Time Wedding = Big Time Doubts

Ever since I became engaged back in December, I have never once had a single doubt about my wedding plans… until right now.

All along I have loved the fact that we are breaking from tradition and doing things how we’ve always wanted. We’re fairly simple people who aren’t big into entertaining or being the center of attention. Well, that’s probably more me than him. The F is a social butterfly who loves to go out with friends and doesn’t get embarrassed easily, so being in the spotlight probably won’t cause him to run and hide. I’m a big home body who enjoys my alone time. Love it and cherish it. Trust me, I’m not some recluse - I work full-time, I am back in school 3 nights/week, I go to the gym, I get myself out there in public no problem. But I’m just SO over the wedding hype. And I really am done with being “The Bride”. I just want to be married to the man I love.

To be completely honest, I don’t like weddings. (No offense) They are lovely, I have had some fun moments at a few, food is usually decent, the brides always look incredible, but it’s basically the same thing. Time and time again. It’s a formula as simple as 2 + 2 = 4. I hate that. It’s a total routine.

Our wedding will be more like 2 + 2 = 3,654. Which has been difficult for some to understand. And probably a disappointment for others.

As previously mentioned, we are having both our ceremony and reception at The Whitney. Our ceremony will be held on the main stair case in front of a floor to ceiling Tiffany stained-glass window. Gorgeous! It will be a civil ceremony officiated by a former co-worker of mine who is one of the nicest people I know. It’s important that I have someone I know and respect perform the ceremony. The F and I are baptized Catholic; however we are not currently practicing the faith, hence us not feeling right making the sacrament. It’s hypocritical. Before, during & a tad bit after the ceremony there will be a cellist and violinist playing music. Before meeting with the Whitney’s event manager, I thought some iTunes would work just fine. After standing atop the opulent stair case I realized that having a friend press play would be so stupid. The historic venue deserves nothing less than live music for such a classy affair. Once we’re husband and wife, we’ll be off to an hour of strolling hors d’euvres and then dinner. That’s it. Oh yeah, we’ll also be having cake and have wedding favors for all those who attended. Then that’s it.

We will not be having any dancing or DJ. We couldn’t be the farthest thing from the Duggers so this decision doesn’t have anything to do with religious beliefs. But with only 27 people attending, dancing seems pretty pointless. Especially when 6 of those 27 would be considered elderly. Our grandparents are awesome, but they’re not the most mobile people due to age. And since we’re not having any dancing, a DJ seems pretty pointless to hire. Classical music piping through the speakers as the place always does will be good enough for me.

The F also doesn’t want to do the traditional cake cutting. I was actually ok with performing this ritual as husband and wife. Oh well. I still have 5 months to change his mind.

No bouquet tossing, no garter, no daddy-daughter crap, no mother-son Oedipus stuff. Just a wedding with a really fancy dinner afterwards. I was A-O.K. with all of this until we received an email from our potential photographer (yeah, we’re a little slow with some aspects of the planning. We still don’t have a photographer). She’s trying to gage how much time she would need for our wedding and asked us if we’d be having the first dance, the introduction of us and our wedding party (which is the BM, MOH and Jr Bridesmaid), cutting the cake, blah, blah, blah.

These questions were easy to answer, but they got me thinking… then worrying. Are people going to think this wedding is dumb? Are they going to be bored? What do we do when it wraps up at 10 p.m.? I’m assuming we’ll hit up a bar with friends since we’re downtown, but what if they’re so bored from our wedding of lameness that they rather go home? Did I just make the biggest mistake of my life by having a teeny tiny, simple wedding? I should just elope. Run away and never see anyone ever again.

With 5 months to go and several deposits already made, there’s no turning back. And I refuse to start all over again and plan a more elaborate affair. I’m o.k. with an escape route of eloping in the Great Smokey Mountains or even a tropical beach in Costa Rica, but I know I could never face my mother afterwards. I’m going to surge forward and keep plucking away at my wedding “To Do” list until October. It kinda sucks sometimes. Ah, the doubts. I mean, what if I look back on my life and regret my decision? How do I know I made the right decision? And this is where I’m at today. I seriously need a big bag of peanut M & Ms right now.